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I get this question a lot;
How do you do it?
How do you survive twins?
Usually I give them a smart ass remark like “well, did I really have a choice??” which makes most people uncomfortable and I can go on with my day.
But in all reality- there is one BIG thing that helps me survive twins.
It’s not an Amazon link, routine, or a gimmick. Or some crazy self created list that helps keep me sane.
Those things help, they really do. I have quite a long list of blog posts on those kinds of things, LOL!
But no. What really keeps me sane? What really helps me survive twins?
Plain and simple. HELP.
My village. Friends. Family. Even strangers at Freddies who offer to grab the last ten things from my cart so that I can tend to the twins instead.
I would be no where without my village.
The ones who stepped in and said “No, Lynneah. You don’t have to do this alone”.
It might sound a little funny because I am married. I do have a husband who helps when he can. But that just isn’t enough for twins.
Think about it, in a one baby home- everyone can have a break from the screaming, needy baby. If you need to work on something, you can hand the baby off to your husband or vice versa.
But that isn’t how it goes in a twin home. The person tending to the twins will ALWAYS be outnumbered unless they have four hands. Which I really don’t think is a possibility.
If one spouse needs a break- the other is then stuck with both infants. And it’s freaking hard to do all on our own.
The days where Chris works, I am dreaming of him to come home and help. So that I can fold laundry and not have the tornado that is Kendall rip it all back down. Or him to hold one of them because they always need to be held at the same time.
Or just be there to talk to because it is so hard to find other parents who understand. Some try to compare their “irish twins” or their kids who are otherwise close in age. But it just isn’t the same.
Being a twin family often makes me feel like I am missing out. Going anywhere is a struggle at best. We can’t try new places without scoping them out first because it needs to be double stroller friendly. Sometimes baby carrying all day just isn’t a possibility. They need to eat, be changed, x y and z. A stroller makes all of that so much easier.
Now that I have kind of trailed off topic a bit, you can probably see why help is so important to me.
It didn’t come easy. I have never been one to ask for help.
I have quite a bit of self pride and yeah it feels great being able to conquer a day out with twins all by myself, but you know that crash after drinking redbulls to stay up all night studying for an exam, or staying out till 4 in the morning when having to work the next day? That almost hung over, excruciating exhaustion that takes over?
That is honestly what I feel like after a day out with twins by myself.
And that is why I made myself get over it and take the help. And you know what?
It feels GREAT.
I remember one of the first times we left the twins at my mother in laws so we could get out (to literally do nothing by drive for a few hours in mostly silence). I just stood there hovering for a bit while she did everything just soaking it in. Soaking in the feeling of being free. Of not being touched and cried at. Of having myself back for a moment.
Even just the help of going places with friends and family is blissful. The extra set of hands when you are outnumbered is amazing. They can hold one of the twins so you can get the stroller out of the car. Keep the twins occupied in the car so you can run into Costco and grab some dog food alone.
You don’t realize until you’re in full swing of twin life just how much of a struggle it is to do anything. That you can’t just snatch one kid from the car and head in. You have to get out, open the back, set up the stroller, open on car door, buckle one in, walk to the other and do the same thing. Lock up and head in to Target or the Library. Whatever it is.
So take the help mama.
Ask for it. Take it. Whatever.
Don’t have family close? Get back on Facebook. I have never used Facebook as much as I do now.
Join the local mom groups and ASK. Someone is able to come over, bring coffee, let you shower, give you a dang break, or just talk. I am sure of it! Sometimes even just having someone on the phone on speaker to talk to while going about the house is great.
If you need a new mom group, I am launching a Twins and Coffee Mom Group on Facebook and you can find the link here.
Let people help you. Let your guard down and let it happen.
Allowing myself to receive help is how I am able to stand here today and write this blog and create a community for fellow mommas who get it. Help is what has made it possible for me to go back to school and leave me with only two terms left before getting my degree.
Help is how I find me time when I can’t give it to myself. It’s also how I was able to move an entire house and unpack it all in 48 hours.
Help is great. Go ahead and take it momma.
You are no less of a mom because of it; if anything, you are a stronger mom.
Now, if you are up for joining a new mom group on Facebook, I would love to get to know you guys over at the Twins and Coffee Momma Tribe!
If not, I get it. They can be intimidating! But promise me one thing.
That you will ask for help the next time you need it.
As the old saying goes,
It takes a village to raise a baby. You just have to let your village in.
You got this momma!