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I’ve learned a lot in my two years as a twin mom.
And one of the hardest things to deal with is the twin mom guilt.
Twins are two of everything. Double it all. All at once too.
There isn’t a transition from one to two, it’s two at once who need your everything so it comes without a doubt some guilt would be thrown in there. But it’s a different kind of guilt.
You really only understand it as a twin mom because twin mom guilt is so different from any other kind of mom guilt.
I mean, guilt is something we all face. Don’t get me wrong. But the twin mom struggles bring on a whole other level of mom guilt.
There is two crying. With the same, yet different needs.
They’re the same age, so they cry at the same times, but usually for completely different reasons and it’s your job to suddenly just know how to handle it.
How to handle the toll two babies crying at the same time takes on your heart and body.
Then there is the eating. I had so much guilt when it came to bottle feeding the twins.
Because it is near impossible to get that bonding time everyone else gets at feeding time. You either struggle to hold both, hold one and have guilt over the other, or hold neither and wish you could hold them both.
The guilt lived on into BLW where I wished I could spend more one on one time teaching the twins about their new foods, but instead meal times between two became so hectic that it just didn’t happen.
Bonding is a major struggle for me. It has been ever since they were first born and in the NICU.
Thus where the twin mom guilt began.
I’ve always longed to hold one without feeling like crap for the other one. Or being able to snuggle one without, again, feeling as though the other is left out.
I guess that has been my biggest struggle. I always dreamed of bonding with my baby, and twins didn’t let that happen.
Twins mean survival mode 99% of the time, especially if you don’t have a whole lot of help otherwise.
But that doesn’t have to be it. There are ways to feel BETTER about your guilt and work through it.
My favorite saying as a twin mom is “twins are tough, but twin moms are tougher”.
And it is TRUE.
How to work through twin mom guilt?
You are doing your best. Your best is good enough. Being a good mom doesn’t mean you have to be super mom. There are good and bad days. But every day, your best is good enough.
Realize they’re little, and won’t remember those early struggle days anyways.
It’s hard now mama. I know. I struggle with this too at two years old. But you have to remember that they won’t remember you struggling to hold the two of them, they’ll instead remember the love you pour into them. You love them. That is what matters.
Remember they have each other. One of the greatest bonds alive.
And lastly, realizing that they have each other is a huge step is overcoming your twin mom guilt. The bond that will grow between the two of them is like nothing else and will be something that makes your heart melt.
I wish I had a cure to give to you. A way to stop the twin mom guilt.
But for now, take these tips and live by them. You are STRONG.
That is why you above anyone else were given twins. That is why we are twin moms. Because we are tough.
Sit by for now, let the days come as they are, and remember that you were made for this.