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Want to know what gets under my skin unlike anything else?
What is mom shaming, you might ask?
Well I like to explain it as a douchey person (mostly other moms) making snide comments, faces, and gestures about another mom doing her thing.
And I am tired of seeing the crap.
Whether it is pointed at me or not, I feel the same way.
It is just rude and there is absolutely no reason for it.
You, as a mom, are no better than another MOM just because you do things differently.
Now I guess I should also clarify that another mom isn’t wrong for informing another mom of something. Such as car seat safety, crib safety, or really anything regarding safety.
But there is a right way to do it.
And that isn’t a snappy comment, or judgey glare.
It is a mindful suggestion.
No one wants to be kicked down, especially when it comes to how you are raising your babies.
But if you notice that my car seat straps aren’t tight enough, it is possible to mindfully say
“Hey momma, I noticed your car seat straps look a little loose. There is some pretty scary information out there about infants getting hurt because of those sorts of things. Do you need help with car seat installation?”
That is a mindful, non-mom shaming comment.
“Uh I would never put my baby in her car seat like that.” is a rude, mom shaming comment.
I decided to get a post up about this awful trend after celebrating my moms birthday at Chevy’s this past weekend.
I have encountered PLENTY of mom shaming before this past weekend, however this experience really made me want to get my voice out there.
My mom was in town this past weekend to see the twins and celebrate her birthday. So after my husband got home from work we decided to take her out to Chevy’s and meet my friend and her son there.
We were all having a great time, the twins were doing great, laughing at all of the new sounds and faces walking by.
But then, oh man, I did the unthinkable.
I ordered myself a margarita.
OH. MY. GOD.
I was DRINKING with my BABIES.
I must be such a horrible mother, right?
Well the looks from the table across from us sure said so!
Each time I took a sip, I could feel the angry, judging gaze from the mom shamers across the room.
I would look up and catch her glare and each time she would give me the most disgusted glare.
As if her face was saying YOU are a HORRIBLE mother.
Then she would turn around and whisper something to the mom next to her and she would turn my way also.
But seriously, WHY?
Do you know my life?
What about how my day had been going? Or my week?
Or the fact that I drink maybe once a month? And at that it is ONE drink?
How about the fact that I take care of my twins BY MYSELF five days out of the week?
Am I just supposed to give myself away and only be mom?
You know that is why a huge majority of moms suffer from depression, right?
Because of judgey ass moms like yourself?
They feel the constant need of approval, and like they are supposed to be these perfect mom-only moms.
But you know what? I think the perfect mom is the one who merges her own life into being a mom.
The best moms are the ones that learn to do things for themselves. Like having a margarita with tacos at dinner.
Or making time for their hobbies, long showers, girl time, doing what they have always loved.
Just because you are a mom now DOES NOT mean you aren’t Lynneah, or Rebecca, or Annie, Brittany, Ashley, anymore.
It just means you are you, that gets called mommy.
You don’t have to completely change yourself just because you became a mom.
It isn’t your fault for having kids, not thinking about it, or whatever else crap you hear from mom shaming people.
I’ve seen too much of it in the short seven months I have had with the twins.
I see the glares and comments as I bottle feed my twins at the store. I also see the looks they are giving my best friend for nursing her son in public.
We just can’t do anything right for them.
I see the wooooow look on their face when my friends son is crying for the toy he wants, but isn’t going to get.
Why is the mom shaming happening for any of that stuff? Just move on. If you don’t agree with something, cool!
Keep it to yourself.
Didn’t your own mom ever tell you “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”?
Odds are the mom that your are mom shaming has already had it up to here. Up past her maximum.
And the last thing she needs is your rude ass remarks.
It has got to stop.
All of this mom shaming has got to stop.
What about you guys? What kind of mom shaming have you experienced?
Share in the comments below!
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Thank you for reading my rant!
Sorry to hear that you went through this =(. You do you mama! Go ‘head and get that margarita! You deserve to have fun as well!
Mom in the Six says
I luckily haven’t experienced anything too bad myself, but I have had the occasional little thing like “isn’t she cold?” (no she’s not…she just pulled her socks off for the tenth time and seems much happier without them – thanks!). Mom’s need to stop the shaming and start helping each other.
My kids never wear socks! Even before they could reach their toes they were sliding them off somehow lol!
Thank you for your support!
Sometimes people are just mean. And to make sarcastic comments about another persons way of doing things is closed minded and immature. Grow up, grow some tolerance and move on people. Have a margarita for me too! Rose @ Our House of Love
I totally agree with you! All mommas should do as they please. Raising babies is hard work!
The worst of my mom shaming has come from my mother in law. We have a better relationship now though. Thankfully .
I am so sorry that you fall into that mess! I have heard the most disgusting stories about hateful mother in laws. I hope you stood up for yourself and that is what led to your better relationship!
People can be so judgmental and need to mind there own business. I really like the mindful comment thing. It’s ok to state their opinion but people just need to be more gracious in how they say things. Sorry you went through that.
I was asked at one point if I was actually feeding my baby because she wasn’t a chunky baby. It makes me feel like a bad mom. I know I am feeding my baby but why make such a comment. But anyways yeah the mom shaming needs to stop.
I agree! Things are hard enough in the early seasons of motherhood. The kinds of comments that get thrown around do not help!
I loved your rant, you are so on the money. I have twins too, two sets, and people always stare at you in public. I think a lot of people are fascinated by twins, love the nosey questions, did you have IVF, are there twins in your family?, are you feeding them (of course I am dick head I’m not starving them but shock horror I am bottle feeding them), did you give birth to them naturally & the list goes on. Anyway back to the topic, so many bloody judgey mums out there, who gives a shit if you have a drink with lunch?. I think these types of women are unhappy with their own lives & like to project onto others.
You’re doing a great job mumma, keep up the good work. Love your blog 🙂
Oh. Man. Mom shaming just grinds my gears. God made us all different. That’s the beauty of life. Shaming mom’s because they aren’t “us” is as ridiculous being mad at a car because it isn’t a bike. Both vehicles go places, just not the same way.
And you can be mom shamed by old lady mom’s too. I was at the grocery store with my eldest, who was four, and my middle, who was just about 8 months. And I was four months Prego with surprise baby #3. My middle son has always been in the higher percentiles for his height and weight. He’s just a big kid. Well, an old lady walked up to me, told me I needed to stop over feeding my baby, asked if I overfed my oldest, then looked me up and down and asked if I over ate as well. Oh. My. Word. I think she saw death in my eyes because she backed away very quickly when I didn’t answer her. People just don’t care what they say anymore. It’s sad.
Sorry for the long winded comment. Like I said, it grinds my gears…
Oh girl I HEAR you. I could go on for days. Unfortunately all you can do is breathe and move on, most people don’t have ill intentions. But god does it feel like it each time!