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Part of me always wanted to be a stay at home mom.

But after having the twins, I wasn’t sure if the stay at home mom life was going to be for me (at least not yet).

Then my birthday came around and that is when I really decided.

I celebrated my birthday last week, the big 23 and the first one as Mom. Little did I know that something big would happen to my little happy family that afternoon.

The day started off like most, I woke up to babies crying and ready to suck down milk earlier than I expected. Then I started come coffee, let the dogs out and put my hair in a somewhat greasy bun.

Fast forward a few hours and we were out the door heading to my last postpartum appointment. Caeden decided he was hungry so before we headed home from the hospital we nursed in the front seat of my car. Then we stopped by Winco on the way home and picked up some garlic bread as a side for my favorite birthday dinner (tortellini!).

Later in the day one of my best friends and her daughter stopped by with the best cheesecake I’ve ever had. My mom also sent some flowers that were delivered to my door.

After Eva had gone home, I decided to adventure out with the twins again. We stopped by Ulta first to grab my free birthday mascara. Then we ran through Dutch Bros for a free birthday drink. The line for Dutch was about ten cars long so one of the girls was out taking orders. After I ordered a blended Cocomo, my husband called.

Chris usually calls me on his way home from work and tells me about his day or the traffic, but today was different. It was a little early for him to call. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was going over to our aunt and uncles. Immediately I responded “uhh why..?” (it’s my birthday!) and all he said was he needed to go over there. Then there was silence. And that is when I knew.

“You lost your job, huh?” I asked, praying I was wrong.

But I wasn’t.

He went on to explain that the owner sold the company and everyone was laid off. I didn’t know what to say. Suddenly tears we’re streaming down my face as my mind was shooting from left to right. And then it was my turn to pull up to grab my birthday drink. I asked Chris to go home and ended the call.

As I pulled forward, I locked eyes with the barista and he quickly lost his ‘how are you’ smile. All he said to me as he handed me my drink and new full punch card was “whatever just happened, everything is going to be okay”.

With my mind still spinning I didn’t know what other to say than ‘thank you’ and I drove off.

On my quick drive home, I tried to gather my thoughts. My husband and I were about to have a real life conversation about what the hell we were going to do and I needed to calm down.

Once Chris got home we went over all of the things that needed to happen and honestly the next couple days were a blur. We had a lot to get done and to figure out. But the one thing that kept looming in my head was

“what is best for our family?”

I wasn’t working, but should I go back to work? I could probably start back at my old company in the next week or so and get some immediate cash flow into our checking account. But what happens when Chris finds a new job? Do I up and quit? Do I work part time? What about child care? What about our home life? Will we be miserable both working, and trying to take care of two infants, two dogs, and a house?

After laying out all of the pros and cons with my husband, we decided that for us, being a SAHM is what is best.

Here is why I am a SAHM:

1. Ease

My first reason was the ease of being a SAHM. The last thing I want in my life is more chaos. The thought of waking up in the morning, getting ready for work, the babies changed/fed/burped, everything packed for the day, them to daycare then myself to work, just to come home to a disaster of a house, make dinner, get them fed, everyone to bed and then be up with them all night just to start over in the morning? Oh god no. To all the twin mommas out there that can do that, MAAAAJOR props to you. I would go insane. I would break down come 10pm that very same day. Maybe even before that. The ease of being a SAHM is going by baby schedules, and working around them when you have your own to-do. If they’re up all night, screw it. Morning chores aren’t getting done until you’ve gotten some more sleep. Babies poop right before you head out the door? You’re not going to lose your job because you’re late.

2. Child Development

Something my husband and I strongly agree on is that we want to raise our children. We don’t want some stranger telling our children what is right or wrong. We want to be the ones helping them develop. While the day responsibility of it lays on myself, we do work as a team and are on the same page about what we want for our children.

Now I might not be the best teacher in the whole world. But that is okay. I, and my husband, will do our best for them in the environment we want them to grow up in. We also don’t want to miss out on any of the big stuff. I want them to start walking or say their first word at home. Not in some germ ridden classroom.

3. Homemaker

Staying home also allows me to be the homemaker. I have always loved keeping a house. I ask my husband when I need or what the help, but aside from that I love keeping up the house. If I went back to work, I just know we would both be too exhausted to clean the house and we would constantly be fighting about it. I can’t handle a dirty house. If there are too many piles in the house, or things not somewhat in their place, I shake with anxiety and shut down until it is put back together. Even though me being at home with two babies doesn’t give me the time like I used to have to keep up the house, I can still do this and that here and there. I can do small things every day to keep myself happy and like the saying goes-

Happy Wife, Happy Life!

4. Cost

Cost was the main deciding factor for my husband and I. First of all, we were appalled by the cost of local day cares for twin infants. But after adding together the costs of daycare and then gas for myself, I would bring home between $200 and $500 dollars a month. I would be giving up our babies, my happiness and add major stress into our lives just to maybe bring home a couple hundred bucks a month. Then what happens when they get sick from daycare germs? Well I would have to stay home. And with two of em I would probably have to call out enough that I would lose my job.

None of that seems worth it to me, or my husband. I would rather live dirt poor like we are now than give up what I want for our children just for me to maybe bring home a small chunk of change each month. If we really needed some cash there are tons of other things I would rather do.

Now what about you? Before you make the decision to work or stay home with your bab(ies), I strongly suggest you go over my reasons with your partner. What makes the most sense for you guys? Lay out the real time logistics of it all before you decide.