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Dear Stay-at-home mom,
I see you.
I see you covered in babies that you prayed for, but also make you wonder why this is the life you chose.
You’re a mess. You’re done.
But you’re not alone.
Stay-at-home mom isolation is real.
Living my life as a SAHM has always been my end goal.
Before I even met my husband, I dreamed of one day staying home to raise my children. Then, seven years later when we found out we were having twins, my dream was about to become reality.
Between the cost of childcare for two infants and my husbands urge for me to stay home with them, we ultimately decided me becoming a SAHM would be what is best for our growing family.
What I didn’t know though, was the intense isolation that was heading my way.
Going in to becoming a SAHM, I had a lot of expectations. I figured I could do whatever I wanted all day long, the house would always be clean and that I would always have the time to make a home cooked meal. Well, yeah let’s all laugh along with me.
Almost none of what I expected turned out to be true.
Sure, I can do whatever I want all day long, but what about the feeling of necessity to contribute to the family? So on top of taking care of two infants, I am still going above and beyond in all things household? And trying to do so in the little chunks of time I have during naps?
Being a SAHM is a lot more work than I thought it would be.
And I think it is something that is overlooked by most parents. Everyone just assumes you stay home in your PJ’s and play with babies all day. Well, no not exactly.
I might be in PJ’s because I haven’t caught a break to go shower.
I have two infants, and as hard as I try to keep them on the same schedule sometimes they stay awake opposite of each other. So I literally have no downtime. Like I have said before, if anyone were to stop by my house at any given time, odds are I have at least one baby in my arms.
And what comes with all that chaos? Intense stay-at-home mom isolation.
You’re never alone. But somehow always alone. All at the same time.
And it is really, really hard.
Like I need to tell you that, right?
Going from the days of real world conversation to days where the most talking you do is to yourself is hard.
Or the days of being able to leave your house at the drop of a hat, those days seem like a distant memory.
Stay-at-home mom isolation doesn’t have to mean an end to your life though. No matter how hard it is.
There is hope.
Here are a few tips to get through the isolation to take to heart.
Get dressed for the day.
Shower, fresh clothes, little bit of makeup. It all makes a huge difference on how you see yourself as a SAHM.
Join those dreaded mom groups.
I know, they get some bad reps. But hear me out. I have made some of my BEST friends from those types of groups. Some times people are a bit much in them, but they also usually host coffee nights and get togethers. GO to those. These mamas feel the same as you. They are struggling just as much, if not more, and it is good for everyone to get together to push through the stay-at-home mom isolation.
Reach out to old friends
I wish I did this more in the beginning, to be honest. Odds are, these old friends truly want to see you and spend time with you. However, they might not realize what you are going through. Especially if they aren’t parents yet themselves. They don’t realize just how much you need them right now. So reach out. Just do it.
Read a new book
I know there is rarely time for this, but when there is, dive into a new book. I always find I feel less alone when submerged in someone else’s fake reality.
Just GO somewhere
Easier said than done, I know. But just DOING is what you have to do sometimes. Go for a walk, to target, the zoo. Just something to get you out where the kids can stay in their stroller and make life easier on you. Plus if you have twins like me, you’re walking around with conversation starters and as annoying as the questions are sometimes, others times it’s nice just to have that connection with a random person inside Target.
Start a blog/vlog
This is what I did. I didn’t start Twins and Coffee with any big intentions. I simply started to have a place to pour myself into in hopes of feeling less alone. And turns out, I’ve created a space for all sorts of moms to feel less alone and more validated in parenting. It just takes a little leap to get started.
Go back to work
After about a year of being a SAHM, I decided to end my isolation for real and start back at work part time and it’s been just what I needed. I know it’s not for everyone, but it has helped me get out of the house with a purpose, which is exactly what I needed.
I hope these couple tips give you some ideas on dealing with the stay-at-home mom isolation and give you some peace.
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