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I remember the first time a stranger asked me about my reproductive health.
And as it turns out; it was one of the top questions asked about twins, and I’d encounter the awkward situation at least weekly probably for the rest of my life. It has at least held true up until now, two years later.
“Are they natural?”
Oh, yeah. Because I really wanted to stand here in the grocery store check-out line explaining how I had sex and I hyper ovulated that particular cycle.
No. Not exactly how I wanted to spend my Wednesday afternoon.
Oh, the things twin moms get to experience.
And this is just one of the beautiful questions you’ll be asked by literally anyone.
The gal checking you in at your OB appointment, the waiter when you go out to celebrate, your friends when you share the news, and other countless strangers along the way; they will all bring up the most common questions asked about twins.
I thought I could begin to deter them if I masked myself with RBF. You know, that resting B face.
But nope. They don’t shy away. I have actually been followed. Yes. A woman followed me while I got my twins out of the car, strapped into their stroller, and started my way into the store.
This lady actually followed me and continued to ask questions even though I wasn’t answering her back.
And maybe that sounds rude. Maybe it does make me rude. Or, maybe you get it because you’re there too.
Here are a few of the most common questions asked about twins that I hear every time I go out in public.
“Are they natural?”
Yeah, I already brought this up once. But I had to share again because it is so freaking common. I know so many twins are convinced via IVF. But jeez! Why are you asking about mine and my husband’s sex life?Does it really matter? Does anything matter other than I am pregnant by the grace of god? Yes. They are natural. If I had more balls, I would probably respond like this mom;
“Are they identical?”
By far the most common. Everyone has to know. Even when they see both Kendall and Caeden and can see one has brown hair and the other blonde. They still ask. And I always give a little half laugh and say no. I know it is genuine curiosity but come. on.
“Boys or girls?”
Uhhh… because they only come in pairs of the same gender? No? Are you looking at them? Why not just ask their names? Which by the way, no one asks. No one.
“Do twins run in your family?”
This one is just annoying. No, they don’t. My husband’s side has some twins, but that plays no effect on whether we conceived twins or not. Then this question is always followed by “ugh my boyfriend’s aunt had twins. I am so anxious to see if I’ll have twins or not”. OK lady. Please move on. I am physically and emotionally drained. Last thing I want to do is stand in the middle of Target listening to you tell me why or why not you think you’ll have twins. Truth? You never really know until they happen.
“Oh, one and done?!”
This is one of the questions asked about twins that bugs me the most. Again. Why are you assuming anything about my life? And what I want out of it? I cannot even begin to count the number of people who assume that since I had boy girl twins, I am done having children. Because having one of each gender is just perfect, right? I can’t ache for more? I can’t love being a mom and having children, regardless of their genders?
And if anyone truly thinks they are two for the price of one; think again. Any twin mom will tell you otherwise. If anything, they’re two for the price of three or four. This crap is hard work.
“Fraternal or identical?”
This is one of the questions asked about twins that doesn’t bug me as much as the others, but it always leads to me having to explain the difference between the two kinds of twins, and that does get annoying. Some people will ask if they are identical or ‘PA’ternal and I never have an answer for that one. I just say no. My twins are fraternal, ie boy girl and developed in separate sacs with their own placentas.
Oh, and one has a penis. My favorite response to this question.
“Do they wake each other?”
Surprisingly, no! This was a cool one for myself to find out. I was one of the many asking about this prior to their birth. But they have yet to wake each other. Even during the newborn screaming stage, and the sleep training week. If anything, they might wake each other now at 18 months old, but I never notice. When they wake in their cribs they babble and play for a while before I go and get them, and all is great!
“How do you afford twins?”
Well, this is a loaded question. But I get asked it alllll the time. Especially now as a twin mom blogger. I wrote up a blog post explaining a few tips for affording life with multiples, but essentially you just have to be smart with your money.
Where can you cut back, where can you find multi-use or what can you replace?
I was able to figure out how to make things work on my husband’s income alone, mostly because day care would have been more than 75% of my take home money from the job I had at the time. That wasn’t worth it to me.
“How do you do it?”
Oh man. Another one of the loaded questions asked about twins that I get SO often. I could go on for hours. But generally, when people stop and ask me this while I’m out and about, I just respond with “you just do” because it is true.
Somehow, some way, you will make it to bed time.
You will always make it to sleep time. It might come with crying, yelling, frustration, singing, dancing and everything else in-between, but that’s it. You just make it happen.
And finally, “are they twins?”
Oh my lord. This is my of the questions asked about twins because of the responses people come up with. It depends on my mood, generally I just say yes and try to run away before they can ask anything else because if you can’t tell by now, I am extremely antisocial. But if I am in the mood- oh man do I have some great sarcastic responses. Here are a few of my favorites;