The Truth About Divorce After Abuse

Opening up about my experience having left an abusive marriage and being a domestic abuse survivor.

My Story

I knew I needed to leave in order to have a future with my kids. I can also clearly remember the many, many fights. Screaming. Angry. Things said that no one should ever say to another person. Reacting while simultaneously flinching away from him. Him locking me in our room or bathroom or outside of our car. Anything to hold some kind of power. Throwing my phone across the room. Telling me not to tell anyone. Getting so close that I’m shaking because I think he’s going to hurt me again.

What It Feels Like When You Leave

Quickly after the “high” of finally leaving an abusive marriage subsided, I learned what getting a divorce truly is. It’s earth shattering. It’s not just leaving & getting a divorce, or breaking free from your abuser should you have been/are in a situation similar to mine. It’s so much more. Everything. E v e r y t h i n g you knew is no more. Nothing is the same. Every single day is new.  And everything will break your heart.

A Letter I Wrote to Myself (1/2)

I’m tired of breaking my heart. I’m tired of having to break it over and over and over. He broke it enough. Standing up for myself and walking away and knowing I’m better fit somewhere else in life should be okay. Leaving an abusive marriage should be okay. It shouldn’t bug me that after eight years of swearing and screaming and confessing every deep amount of love he had for me suddenly stopped and within weeks he was building a life for himself that I always wondered why he couldn’t build with me. HOW. HOW. Fucking HOW.

A Letter I Wrote to Myself (2/2)

I don’t want to do this again. I don’t want to be alone but I don’t want to do this. I would not be able to live through getting a divorce again. I wouldn’t be able to. How can he be doing this? How can he be walking through life knowing that I left to save my life without even trying to save it himself? I feel so alone. And I kind of want to sit here. I don’t want to put effort into anyone or anything. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live just replays and replays. How am I supposed to work and support myself and the twins and make things work? I feel so dumb.

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Opening up about my experience having left an abusive marriage and being a domestic abuse survivor.